Red conjectures refuted by King's men

PFFC 0 King's College Philosophy 7 (friendly)

Ally Clow, 20 February 2011


On the face of it, this match should have been very well balanced. Firstly, two teams with the word 'philosophy' in them was a linguistic leveller and promised to pit the finest minds in football against one another. A battle this intense had not been seen since Wittgenstein threatened Karl Popper with a poker at Cambridge in 1946. Secondly, it was less than a year ago that PFFC had resoundingly beaten the same opponents but since them, the red men's fortunes have been on the wane. And so the first half proved to be tight at least.

The reds started with a severely depleted squad, 8 in all with the kind loan of Carlo and Dan from King's. The match started ten-a-side and was an edgy affair with both teams being too polite to trouble either goalkeeper, a frustrating fact considering the King's goalie was wearing no gloves. Due to the nature of the match and the fact there were a couple of late dropouts, the red formation was an attacking 3-4-2 with Dave, Carlo and Francesco at the back with Will, Clarkey, Khan and Dan in midfield and the potentially exciting attacking duo of Henry and Vito up front. Instead of playing to a utilitarian style (which would mean the happiest outcome for the team - a win), both teams performed a more dialectical approach thus negating each other's arguments and the first half ended 0-0.

In the second half, events conspired against the reds which summed up their season so far in a microcosmic metaphor which ultimately led to their defeat in the second half. King's managed to break the deadlock with a simple through ball which was put away with finesse by Leandro. The challenge for PFFC was now to stabilise, not concede again and test the goalie with no gloves. Unfortunately what actually happened was King's scored again very quickly and soon after, Clarkey got injured bringing the red man count to 9. This was too much for the reds to endure and the shape of the team disintegrated and goal after goal came and went for the King's team. Their second half was a textbook study in Objectivism; a relentless pursuit of their own self-interests and to score seven goals with no reply was a harsh example.

Unfortunately there was little thought involved in Francesco's decision to walk off before the end of play, rather he employed a Physicalist reading of the game denying the brain and soul and simply believing in his own frustrations and the lack of some of his teammates' efforts on the pitch.

Final score 7-0 to King's.

The day wasn't all bad, as has since been proved by the potential signing of King's striker who scored two against the reds, Leandro.

The club needs commitment from everyone until the end of the season or we will continue with this downward spiral into an Existential solipsism, far away from the Utilitarian virtues we should try and attain as a team.


Will (c)
Kings player 1 - Dan
Kings player 2 - Carlo